I'm alone, all alone, and not leaving the house today, mostly because of bad weather. Also because everyone is too busy to see me.

How does one become busy? In summer? I really would like to volunteer. maybe I'll check out some websites.

I wonder when the next art gallery show is on, because I'd really love to see one about photography... Life is so boring, and excitement is just out of reach...

But not for long!

Night was a good book. Very fast read, and pretty effective (although I didn't cry and feel somewhat guilty for my lack of emotion).

In the book elie speaks of how he doesn't have any courage, and how he shouldn't have survived, but from an outsiders perspective he is one of the most brave men who ever lived. Not only did he try and save his father from giving up (I would have a long time ago) he kept going and going, even when he lost all hope.

There's something so intensly amazing about a person who can still function and live in society after so much death and destruction.

I'm doing okay, I guess. I am sort of slipping, but the communities I joined are helping me get back into reality and away from the fake world I was in. My mom and I are always fighting, and I really don't have anyone to talk about it. She likes to regularly insult me, and whenever I come to her for help she tells me I should deal with it myself, that my eating disorder is my own problem; as well as everything else that I want to discuss with her.

My mom works from home, but she's always busy on the phone. From 8 am - 8 pm that's all she does, and after that she likes to talk with my sister and her husband. She avoids me like she's ashamed of me.

I'm reading "Night" by Elie Wiesel... It makes me sad, but very grateful at the same time. It's so hard to imagine, yet it's going on in the world today still but in different forms.

Yeah. I wonder what I am going to do today. Maybe add those self confidence tapes to my zen, find some good world music, go rock climbing, and... that's the plan.

I am in the middle of recovering from my eating disorder. I am sick of all this self loathing, and have recently experienced an "epiphany" if you will, which awakened my mind! It took me courage to decide to stop my lifestyle, which was a constant cycle revolving around an obsession around food.

I was NOT in control, at all. I want to take action for the rest of my life and make it something meaningful. After all, what people am I helping by hurting myself? There are absolutely no benefits. I am going to start volunteering my time to greater causes, going on runs to find cures, and the like. I'm going to take up hobbies and set my goals and gain the self confidence back I had long ago as a young child.

I want to put the past behind me. Please add me, my name is Nina, I am 16 years old, and I would love any support. In life, I have been pushing others away, and I don't have many to turn to. This will change, but it takes time!

Thank you everyone! I now need to make my livejournal somewhat exciting. I also need to start reading again.